


Unexpected Guest

by triste



Category: xxxHoLic
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-21
Updated: 2012-11-21
Packaged: 2017-11-19 04:59:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/569375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/triste/pseuds/triste
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Watanuki gets a surprise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unexpected Guest

Title: Unexpected Guest  
Author: Triste  
Fandom: xxxHolic  
Pairing: Doumeki/Watanuki  
Rating: PG-13  
Status: Complete  
Disclaimer: Not mine

~~

Doumeki could admit that there were certain benefits to having Watanuki visiting regularly. Having his own personal cook and cleaner was one of them, and sex was another. While the former was often easy enough to obtain, the latter tended to be slightly more difficult on occasion, but with the right kind of approach, Doumeki could get Watanuki to relax even at his most high-strung. It saved him having to plug his ears all the time to block out whatever inane blather was currently dribbling out of Watanuki's mouth, for starters.

Doumeki had learned that touching Watanuki in just the right way was not unlike closing off a faucet tightly as to stop excessive amounts of water from leaking out. It was both simple and cost-effective (the price in question being his hearing rather than his money), and it enabled Doumeki to listen to an altogether more pleasing variety of sounds other than Watanuki’s standard repertoire of screeches and bellows.

Touching Watanuki in just the right way made him seem softer somehow, like turning down the heat under a pan of hot water and letting it simmer slowly. His limbs would go limp and all the tension would leave his body, making him look as though he was trying to melt right through the floor, and Doumeki much preferred this to the way Watanuki usually flailed in frustration, the living embodiment of a human wobble board.

There were other things too, like how the near-permanent worry lines on Watanuki's forehead would vanish as easily as wiping clean a slate, or how tempting his lips could be whenever they weren't pursed in annoyance. It made Doumeki want to kiss them, if only to see that dazed expression inch across Watanuki's face as a result, and so he gave in to the impulse, claiming what Watanuki was surrendering and stealing his breath away greedily.

Even better was Watanuki's shallow gasps as Doumeki slid a hand down his side, gasps that soon turned into eager moans when Doumeki's hand moved over the front of Watanuki's pants. It took hardly any effort at all for Doumeki to open up the top button and draw down the zipper while he kept his mouth busy feasting on Watanuki's throat, but his fingers were met with something of a surprise when they slipped inside the opening of Watanuki's fly.

Watanuki never ever went commando, hygiene-conscious as he was, and Doumeki couldn't really recall pulling Watanuki's boxers down to get at what was underneath, nor could he recall Watanuki being so... furry to the touch.

Confused, Doumeki looked down to see a pair of tiny eyes blinking back at him. Time stood still for a moment, and then Doumeki uttered the only word that came to mind.

"Ah."

Irritated by the lack of attention, Watanuki followed Doumeki's gaze, his hair practically standing up on end at what he saw.

"GYAAAAAH!!!"

Undeterred by Watanuki's less than polite manner of greeting, the pipe fox rose up to its full length, emerging from Watanuki's fly like a viper from a snake charmer's vase before slithering up his torso, coiling loosely around Watanuki's neck as though it were a piece of jewellery come to life and nuzzling his cheek contentedly as miniscule pink hearts floated around its head.

"How did you get into my pants?!" Watanuki cried, unimpressed by the impromptu display of affection, but since the pipe fox couldn't speak, no answer was forthcoming.

"It *is* a spirit," Doumeki pointed out. "It doesn't always have to be in physical form."

"But it was travelling around inside my *pants*!" howled Watanuki, clawing at his hair. "The only things that should be frolicking there are my sperm! I feel unclean! I have to shower! I have to ask Yuuko-san for anti-fox spirit ointment! I have to-"

"You're being noisy again," Doumeki cut in, and Watanuki made a complicated flapping motion with his wrists.

"Special martial arts move number five thousand and thirty three!" he barked. "I call it The Right to Silence!"

Sure enough, all sound left the room. It was so quiet, in fact, that wind could be heard whistling desolately in the distance, making Watanuki appear even more foolish.

"Why are you making such a fuss?" Doumeki said finally, sensing an upcoming rant and raising his hands to his ears as a precaution.

"Why *wouldn't* I make a fuss?!" snapped Watanuki, throwing his arms in the air. "You would too if you had pipe foxes popping out from your nether regions like party streamers!"

The cause of Watanuki's agony remained blissfully oblivious as it continued to nuzzle him, and Doumeki regarded the little spirit thoughtfully.

"Can't you just explain about human mating rituals and privacy?" he asked.

"And how am I supposed to do that?" said Watanuki impatiently. "It's stuck to me like... like... like a sticky thing!"

Doumeki stared at the pipe fox. The pipe fox stared back. Then Doumeki bowed respectfully before it and said, "There's no need for you to worry. No harm will come to Watanuki while he's in this shrine, and even if it does, I promise I'll protect him in your stead."

The pipe fox gave Watanuki one last nuzzle and disappeared into thin air with a 'poof', leaving Watanuki lost in bewilderment.

"What happened just now?" he wondered, before turning on Doumeki with a snarl. "And anyway, I'm not helpless! I don't need your protection!"

"Smart people always make sure sex is safe," Doumeki replied matter-of-factly, but that only served to enrage Watanuki even more.

"That's *not* what I was talking about! Hey, are you implying that I'm stupid? Listen to me what I'm talking, dammit!"

 

End.


End file.
